The first day of school felt crazy to me. I was in Los Angeles just 5 days prior. Getting ready for my journey back to Portland. Was this happening too fast?? I walked onto campus. When I took the acting classes 8 years ago I never ventured to this side of the campus. I just stayed near the theatre. I really only went to the Library once to check out a script that Rick Zimmer had on hold. Those acting classes seem so long ago. Now I was taking a "Real" class. A class with serious homework. Math 95 is basically Algebra II with some Trigonometry. I took them in high school, but I wasn't good in either of them. I sat down at a desk and was surprised to find that the class had to share a table with other students. Apparently this is to encourage the students to work and help each other on problems. Our teacher wanted to see where we were in the class and she asked us to turn to a page in the book and work out some problems. They were all review problems for people that had taken Math 65. I stared at the problems and realized...... that I had no idea where to start. I looked around the room... and saw everyone working away. The room was quiet, because no one really knew each other yet. I muttered to the the girl next to me.
"Do you know how to do this??"
She showed me her paper and it gave me some hints. It was then that I noticed the teacher looking at my blank piece of paper. Should I even be in this class.... I thought. I must have been crazy telling the counselor that I was a quick learner. We later went over the problems as a class, but I honestly felt distracted, because I was barely catching on. It didn't help that every time I blurted out an answer when she asked for one..... it was wrong. Ugh. I felt like I was in grade school all over again. We still had an hour of class left and I was already wanting the class to be over.
When I got home I immediately went to work and tackled the homework. I was determined. Slowly.... as I got through each set of problems I started to regain my confidence. When I finished the whole assignment, three hours later, I felt a sense of relief. My fear was that I would just be lost as I tried to tackle it, but I had finished it all.
Over the last month the fear that I originally felt is gone. I've been going to the tutoring center on a regular basis. It is a TREMENDOUS help to me. It just feels great to be able to ask someone for help. The tutors are incredible. I always used to feel to proud to use tutoring centers. What was I thinking!!! I'm so glad that I got over that feeling that I didn't need any help. Most of the time I don't really need any help, but I sit there and do homework anyway. That way if I have a question there is someone there that can answer my questions.
